![]() ![]() Feelings of guilt often follow, especially if you wish desperately that you could relive events and prevent your loved one from dying. The pain of your loss, the intense grief, is compounded by the expression of raw anger. You also might feel terribly hurt by the suicide note’s indictment of you, even more so if you were close to the person who died. ![]() ![]() Recovering from the Attack in a Suicide Note In reality, the suicide note captures the writer’s thoughts and feelings during only one moment in time, a moment that often is clouded by distorted thinking, mental illness, addiction, or other forces of suicide. The verdict stands.Īt least, it can feel that way. The letter writer, serving as judge and jury, convicted you of wrongdoing without giving you any chance to present a defense. If a person’s suicide note blamed you, then you are under attack. Two reactions are especially common: Anger toward the deceased, and feelings of guilt.Īnger is understandable, even instinctive. ![]() If you were targeted in a spiteful suicide note, then you might experience a complex barrage of emotions, depending on the nature of your relationship with the person who died. I neglected to say that while the absence of a suicide note can hurt, the presence of a spiteful suicide note can hurt even more. I first wrote about suicide notes ( “Unwritten Goodbyes: When There is No Suicide Note”) because of the pain those left behind can experience when there is no note – no final expression of love, no goodbye, no explanation for why the person died by suicide. They may remain a family secret (or a secret from the family), a source of shame, anger or sadness, whether those emotions are directed at the deceased or at the target of the note. Most spiteful suicide notes simply go unreported. Reportedly, she left a long suicide note blaming Julia Roberts for her death. The actress Julia Roberts’ half-sister Nancy Motes died by suicide in February. In the father’s long suicide note, which he posted online, he calls his ex-wife a psychopath, states she bullied and emotionally abused him, and blames her father for his “murder by suicide.” ( The ex-wife was awarded the copyright for the suicide note and has successfully required many websites to remove it, but other sites have refused to take it down.) Another is the note of a father who was in a bitter, years-long custody dispute with his ex-wife. The adolescent daughter’s suicide note is one of several anger-laced notes that have made the headlines recently. Regardless, a hateful suicide note can provoke feelings of embarrassment and guilt, generate intense anger toward the deceased, and complicate the grieving process for the intended target of the note. Perhaps, instead, the daughter’s hatred toward her mother was typical of so many strained relationships between mothers and their adolescent daughters. Perhaps the mother truly hurt her daughter in devastating ways. I know nothing about this mother and daughter’s relationship. More hateful words follow, culminating with, “You are a waste of space, ignorant, and a rotten c***.”Ī 17-year-old girl wrote this note shortly before she and her boyfriend reportedly killed a police officer and then took their own lives. Such a letter would be hurtful under any circumstances, but as an adolescent’s last words to her mother, it seems especially cruel. “You are much too ignorant and self concerned to even attempt to listen or understand, everyone knows that.” “Mum, I could write to you for days, but I know nothing would actually make a difference to you,” the note begins. ![]()
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